Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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