I cannot find my penis.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
