Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you win again, gameday.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
