very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
