kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
