I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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