Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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