can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
