the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
