Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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