Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
