Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
