Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
