Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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