fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
