sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
