My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
