carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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