I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
