3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
