wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
