Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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