it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
