I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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