I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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