My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
