I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
