I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
