What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
