I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
