No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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