haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
