Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize