As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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