apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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