I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We are two peas in an std pod
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
