He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize