Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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