I must be too annoying 4 u.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
