drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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