To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
