I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
