I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
