I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
