No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i will never coherently bang her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
