You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
