Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
