I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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