After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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