I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm too high and old for this...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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