Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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