he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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