A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
