I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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