can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
