I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
