Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
