No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
