He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
