I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
