I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
