i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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