Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize