I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
