sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
