that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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