Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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