Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
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