I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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