i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
