Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
