Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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