I only kidnapped one of them. chill
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
