u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
