she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I came so hard my ears popped.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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