This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
