He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
