the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
