I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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