You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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