just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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