so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
