time to smoke my breakfast
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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