That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
