So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize